The Golden Gift Card for infinite tacos was fluttering through the air like a caffeinated butterfly, and Ryan Random was losing the race.
Behind him, Dover the sentient escalator clattered across the shifting violet dunes of the Mall’s Southeast Ocotillo Quadrant on his accordion-style railing legs. “Why even try, Ryan?” Dover groaned, his voice a blaring trumpet of doom. “We are all just descending into the basement of existence.”
Nebula Norris manifested her third arm from her neck to snag the card, but a sudden gust of solar wind sent the plastic rectangle soaring toward the Bed Bath & Way Beyond loading docks. Ryan dove over a display of self-heating beach towels, skinning his elbow on the synthetic quartz floor.
Mr. Meankinder’s Kind Head shouted encouragement from a balcony, offering Ryan a fictional promotion, while his Mean Head screamed that he was fired for taking an unauthorized cardio break. The Er Head simply vibrated in silent confusion.
The card zipped into the slipstream of a departing freighter. Ryan hijacked a stray electric scooter, weaving through a crowd of six-legged tourists. He was inches away, his fingers brushing the gold-leaf edge, when the card took a sharp left into a high-security disposal chute.
Ryan skidded to a halt at the edge of the pit. The card hovered over the opening, then slowly descended into the abyss of the mall’s central incinerator. Nebula caught up, breathless, patting Ryan’s shoulder with her back-arm. She remarked that “at least it couldn’t get any worse.”
Suddenly, the incinerator belched. The Golden Gift Card shot back out, charred and melted, followed by a three-story-tall, fire-breathing trash-golem that was now wearing the taco card as a shiny tooth filling.
Ryan clicked on his standard-issue flashlight and looked up at the behemoth. I really hate the weekend shift.
(This story created by an earthquake on July 15, 2026. Magnitude of: 3.13. 9 km SE of Ocotillo Wells, CA. URL: https://earthquake.usgs.gov/earthquakes/eventpage/ci40655194)
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