Ryan scrubbed a glob of synth-mustard off his security shirt in the Silver Springs Silo Food Court, unaware that six-eyed nobles were watching with bated breath. To the Gloop-Sapiens, the circular motion of a human hand was the Ancient Sigil of the Un-Stained Prophet. Before Ryan could finish his lunch, the nobles prostrated their translucent bodies across the linoleum, declaring him the High Chancellor of the Food Court.
“I’m just trying to clean my uniform,” Ryan said as they hoisted him onto a hovering throne made of crushed soda cans.
Mr. Meankinder floated over, his Kind head beaming: “Ryan, wonderful news! You have secured a massive investment!” “
The Mean-Head snarled: “”But if they find out you’re just a teenager, they’ll dissolve the mall into acid! Do not mess this up, useless human, or I’ll fire you into a black hole!”
The Er head simply smiled wistfully at the mustard, as if finding a friend.
Dover rattled up on his escalator tracks, his metal railing vibrating with dread. “The Gloop-Sapiens require the Prophet to perform the Great Cleansing at noon,” the escalator moaned. “That’s in two minutes, Ryan. If you don’t turn that fountain into vintage grape soda, we are all dead!”
Nebula leaned against a McDoppler sign, tossing Ryan a packet of purple space-dye. “Fake it until you make it… or melt, Space-Boy.”
As the clock struck noon, the nobles began to vibrate at a lethal frequency. Ryan looked at the fountain, then at the dye. He tripped, accidentally pouring the dye into his own security boots. The nobles gasped as his footwear turned a royal, glowing violet.
“Behold!” Ryan shouted, standing on one leg. “The Holy Boots of the Future!”
The Gloop-Sapiens cheered and began their ritualistic dance, but Ryan’s relief vanished when he realized the space-dye was actually a high-grade industrial adhesive, permanently fusing his feet to the floor just as the mall cleaning drones arrived to steam-mop the area.
(This story created by an earthquake near California on July 26, 2026. Magnitude of: 3.4. 18 km SE of Silver Springs, Nevada. URL: https://earthquake.usgs.gov/earthquakes/eventpage/nn00922397)
