The G-Zir Steam District on the mall’s volcanic moon was usually just humid, but today it was haunted. Ryan sprinted past a bubbling sulfur fountain, his security flashlight flickering like a dying firefly. Behind him, a headless Victorian butler in a tattered tuxedo glided through the steam, throwing translucent dinner plates that shattered into harmless ectoplasm against the bulkheads.
“He’s gaining on us, Ryan!” Dover groaned, his metal railing-appendages clattering frantically against the floor. “I can feel his cold, aristocratic judgment on my treads! This is why I prefer the mezzanine; ghosts hate the mezzanine!”
“It is just a Class-4 Echo-Haunt, Dover!” Ryan panted, leaping over a burst coolant pipe. “He’s probably just still upset about the 1890 clearance sale at Bed Bath and Way Beyond!”
The ghost let out a blood-curdling wail that sounded suspiciously like a request for a tip. They were trapped in the Kenwood Catacombs, a dead-end maintenance corridor where the mall’s temperature was regulated by literal holes in space-time. The ghost floated through a solid steel bulkhead, raising a spectral silver tray to deliver a dish of doom.
“Wait!” Ryan yelled, holding up his tattered paper map. “Sir! You are out of uniform! Mall Regulation 402-B states all service staff must wear a visible holographic nametag or face immediate spiritual reassignment to the grease traps at El Pluto Loco!”
The ghost froze. It looked down at its chest, then back at Ryan’s authoritative stance. With a mournful, bureaucratic sigh, the specter vanished in a puff of lavender-scented smoke.
“Did you just HR a ghost to death?” Dover asked, unfolding his accordion body.
“Common sense, Dover,” Ryan smirked. “Nothing is scarier than a performance review.”
Suddenly, a massive, hairy paw smashed through the ceiling, followed by a howl that shook the pipes.
“Is that a Were-Manager?” Dover shrieked.
“Run now, logic later!” Ryan yelled.
(This story created by a California Earthquake on July 19, 2026. Magnitude 2.5 – 3 km ESE of Kenwood, CA URL: https://earthquake.usgs.gov/earthquakes/eventpage/nc75399316/executive)
