Ryan squinted into the floating lens of a Cybo-Cam. He was patrolling the Ocotillo Badlands Retail Colony, a desert-moon annex where the mall floor was literal glass fused by twin suns. Behind him, a documentary crew from Galaxy’s Most Mediocre followed his every move.
“Day forty-two,” Ryan told the camera, trying to look stoic despite his baggy uniform. “The mall is a predator. You have to be the apex mall-cop.”
Dover rumbled beneath Ryan’s feet, his metal stairs vibrating. “Please tell the viewers that my life is a recursive loop of misery and grease, the escalator sighed. Also, get that boom mic out of my handrail.”
Suddenly, Nebula Norris sprinted past, her floating third arm carrying a half-eaten burger from El Pluto Loco. She was pursued by a swarm of sentient, discount-hunting nanobots from the Outer Limit Factory Outlet. “Ryan!” Nebula yelled. “They heard the store was ninety percent off and now they are trying to discount my atoms!”
Ryan knew he had to act. He turned to the camera with a confident wink. “Watch this. Standard retail procedure.” He slapped a glowing Manager’s Special sticker onto a heavy-duty trash can. The nanobots immediately swarmed the bin in a frenzy of bargain-hunting, tearing the metal apart to find the hidden value.
“See? It is all about psychological leverage,” Ryan explained, leaning against a glass pillar.
Mr. Meankinder stomped into the frame. “You are a star!” Kind head cheered.
“You are fired for stealing the camera!” Mean head roared.
The Er head simply tried to swallow the expensive camera lens.
Ryan sighed as the Cybo-Cam zoomed in on his sweating face. “Can we edit that part out?”
“No,” the camera drone buzzed. “The audience loves the smell of human failure. It tests well in the Andromeda Galaxy.”
(This story created by a California earthquake. Magnitude of: 3.13. 9 km SE of Ocotillo Wells, CA. URL: https://earthquake.usgs.gov/earthquakes/eventpage/ci40655194)
