Ryan Random was currently being dragged across the Quartzite Johannesburg Level of the mall by a sobbing, accordion-shaped escalator.
Dover had reached a new level of mechanical mania, his railing-arms gripping a tiny, glowing spirit level. He was convinced that the entire mall, currently anchored to a drifting asteroid in the Obsidian Nebula, was leaning 0.004 degrees to the left.
“It is the vertigo, Ryan! I can feel it in my gears!” Dover wailed, his metal steps clacking like teeth. “If we do not find the perfect horizontal, the whole food court will slide into the sun by lunch!”
“Dover, the food court is bolted down with gravity-pins,” Ryan sighed, trying to keep his footing on the vibrating escalator-treads. “And you do not even have inner ears. How can you have vertigo?”
They burst into The Outer Limit Factory Outlet Center, where Mr. Meankinder’s three heads were currently arguing with a holographic mannequin. Mr. Mean was screaming about shoplifting, Mr. Kind was offering the hologram a seasonal discount, and Mr. Er was trying to remember if he had already eaten his own tie.
“Boss, Dover is losing it,” Ryan shouted over the sound of Dover dismantling a display of sentient umbrellas. “He is obsessed with leveling-out the asteroid.”
“A level?” Mr. Kind beamed. “What a constructive hobby! Give him the mall’s master structural override codes!”
“NO! FIRE HIM INTO THE VOID!” Mr. Mean roared.
Dover did not wait. He snatched the codes and plugged his railing directly into the mall’s core processor. The entire station groaned. Gravity shifted violently. Thousands of shoppers at BED BATH & WAY BEYOND were suddenly pinned against the north wall.
Ryan grabbed a nearby roll of heavy-duty duct tape and a discarded wooden shim from a broken shelf. “Dover, look! I fixed it!” Ryan yelled, jamming the shim under the escalator’s primary tread.
Dover froze, his sensors scanning the piece of scrap wood. “The balance… it is perfect. The equilibrium is restored!”
The mall stopped shaking. Ryan breathed a sigh of relief until Nebula Norris wandered up, her third arm holding a giant novelty slushie.
“Hey Ryan, did you see the window?” she asked, gesturing outside. “A giant space-slug is currently trying to mate with the asteroid. That is why we are tilting.”
Dover’s eyes widened. “A slug? I need a giant squeegee. Ryan, find me a squeegee or we are all going to slide!”
(This story created by an earthquake on July 12, 2026, Magnitude of: 4.31762677888687. 18 km WSW of Johannesburg, CA. URL: https://earthquake.usgs.gov/earthquakes/eventpage/ci41292687)
