Ryan ducked as a heavy-duty stapler whizzed past his ear, launched by Mr. Mean’s left head. The Mall Manager was screaming about missing inventory, but Ryan’s mind drifted back to his first week at the Wilkerson Outlet District. He had been a scrawny trainee lost in the asteroid-belt’s sprawling food court when he first saw her.
Nebula was manning the counter at El Pluto Loco, looking bored enough to cry. A massive, gelatinous customer was vibrating with rage because his taco lacked sufficient cosmic spice. Just as the alien prepared to liquefy the storefront, Nebula’s third arm sprouted from her lower back, snatched a fire extinguisher, and sprayed the creature directly in its central orifice.
Ryan stepped in, not with a blaster, but with a stack of expired coupons. He told the stunned alien that the spray was a complimentary palate cleanser and handed over a Buy One Get One Free voucher for a car wash three galaxies away. The alien was so distracted by the math that it slithered away in a daze.
“You’re pretty fast for a hairless biped,” Nebula said, her third arm retreating into her shoulder. She handed him a burrito that felt suspiciously like it was vibrating. “Eat this fast, or it will start asking you for legal rights.”
Back in the present, Mr. Kind took over the manager’s body, offering Ryan a celebratory sticker for his silence. Ryan caught Nebula’s eye across the mezzanine. She winked and pointed her third arm toward the exit.
It was definitely time for an unscheduled break, provided the burrito didn’t gain sentience first.
(This story created by a California earthquake on August 1, 2026. Mangitude 2.8 – 7 km E of Wilkerson, CA, URL: https://earthquake.usgs.gov/earthquakes/eventpage/nc75409887/executive)
