Ryan stood in the Scorched-Sands Shopping Sector of the LaQuita-05 Moon, clutching a megaphone. A fifty-foot Xylophian Shredder was currently leveling the outdoor seating area at El Pluto Loco. Its fourteen eyes wept glowing plasma, and its roar shattered every window in Abercrombie & Droid.
Nebula ducked behind a methane fountain. “He’s going to eat the moon, Ryan!” she screamed, her third arm frantically pointing at the beast’s gnashing mandibles.
Mr. Meankinder’s heads were arguing nearby.
“Fire him!” Mr. Mean shrieked.
“Give him a muffin! Mr. Kind countered.
“I can smell my own thoughts!” Mr. Er added for no particular reason.
Ryan ignored them all, noticing the Shredder wasn’t actually biting people. It was only eating the plastic signage.
Ryan strolled up to the monster, tapping his flashlight on its massive toe. “Excuse me, sir!” he shouted. “If you’re looking for the vegan options, they moved to the food court on Level Five. This is just the display menu.”
The Shredder stopped mid-roar and emitted an embarrassed squeak. It pointed a claw at its stomach and sighed.
“He’s just a tourist who can’t read the kiosk font,” Ryan realized.
Dover the Escalator groaned. “Great, now I have to carry him. My steps weren’t built for three-ton dieters.”
(This story created by a California earthquake on August 31, 2026. Magnitude of: 2.91. 22 km SSW of La Quinta, CA. URL: https://earthquake.usgs.gov/earthquakes/eventpage/ci41539640
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