Ryan stood outside The Inner Singularity bookstore in the Catalinian Trench Retail Colony, watching a six-eyed guru lead a seminar on Cosmic Manifestation. Master Glarp claimed that if a species visualized a desired reality hard enough, the universe’s atoms would rearrange to provide it.
Dover, the sentient escalator, groaned to Ryan Random. “I manifested a Closed for Maintenance sign an hour ago,” Dover sighed. “Yet here I am, still carrying three-ton Glorgons to the food court. The universe is a cruel landlord, Ryan.”
“Don’t believe the hype, Dover,” Ryan responded. “I heard this stuff only works if everyone chants together.”
Suddenly, a crowd of frantic shoppers began chanting together. “We want free parking! We want free parking!” they shouted.
“Uh-oh,” Ryan whimpered. “I knew those new parking fees would be a problem.”
The collective psychic energy of the shoppers hit a resonance frequency. The mall’s atmospheric stabilizers sparked. Instead of creating a spread of complimentary spaces for their interstellar spacecraft, the shoppers started phasing in and out of reality.
“Ryan! Help!” Nebula shouted, dodging a floating patron who had turned into a literal cloud of optimistic vapor. “They’re doing SOMETHING — it’s just not what they hoped for!”
“Too much manifesting!” Ryan shouted. He checked his tattered map. He couldn’t help them get free parking. But he knew human pessimism was a more stable force than alien optimism. He grabbed a megaphone from his security scooter.
“Hey! Everyone!” Ryan yelled. “Think about how much you hate taxes, long lines, and damp socks!”
The collective shift in focus from infinite abundance to mundane annoyance caused a massive psychic recoil. The shoppers solidified instantly, falling onto Dover’s steps. They groaned in despair.
“You saved us,” Master Glarp gasped, rubbing his many eyes. “How did you master the Void-Self?”
“I didn’t,” Ryan said. “I just reminded everyone that even in a perfect universe… you still have to pay for parking.”
(This story created by a California earthquake on Sept. 12, 2026. Magnitude of: 3.40807971450025. 26 km ESE of Avalon, CA. URL:https://earthquake.usgs.gov/earthquakes/eventpage/ci41545880)